February 1, 2014

Something Sentimental...

Six months and a lot of beautiful memories and hard times later, I am still living in Dubai and working full time as a trolley dolly. Nobody said it was going to be easy.
My favorite places until now are Cape Town, Bangkok and Mauritius. They are so different from what I know and what I am used to, in a good way of course, that I cannot but love them. It is amazing, and I hope I never take it for granted, that one day I can buy my favorite tea in London and the next I am picking out red wine in South Africa.
This also makes it hard to stay in the moment sometimes. I do get frustrated. Night flights, early mornings, no sleep at all…….. Sometimes I just want to go home, put pajamas on and watch The Kardashians. No seeing the world or experiencing different cultures, you just want familiar ground under your feet.
Being away from everything you know, including family and friends, is not something everyone deals with well. For me it is very hard. It can get very lonely even though I literally have hundreds of people around me every day.
What I have learned and what has fascinated me is that everyone in this job is searching for their mission in life. No one knows exactly what they will be doing next year or even at all what they want to do. But I also realized for myself that, even though I like not being stuck in a 9 to 5 job and a very routinized life, I miss some structure and stability in some areas.
For me structure and stability does not mean living and working in one place. It means having a stable basis of friends and family around you, and romantic love. I can go anywhere in the world, live and be me anywhere in the world, but not without a love that is shared.
I have always wanted to escape outside my ‘normal’ environment. As a little girl I wanted to travel, see the world and wander unknown streets. Now all I want to do is find love and go wherever love goes. I will find my way in the mountains of Fiji or in de snow of Sweden, as long as there is love. I will find a job, that might not satisfy my creative brain, but I will make it work. As long as I have love around me, I can make anything work.
Uncertainty about where your heart is geographically can be dealt with. But going without a true ‘home’ where your heart can go and be itself, be known by others and be strengthened by others is really difficult.
My journey in life thus becomes not only to travel the world, but to travel within myself, finding love in my heart and, as a result, be able to love and be loved in return. And that’s that.